All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Is this going to be a big send off or a somber occasion? Just need to know if I should start drinking on the train or not.
o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
So it turns out the white chocolate in the bathroom is actually soap
Dude, the women on the view have some valid arguments
You know how I know you're gay?
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
Get your penis over here NOW. emergency
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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