yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I feel like I need to get rid of the black eyeliner, glitter, and tequila breath before I to that world poverty conference..
I'll come out for a little. I can't be visibly hungover at work again or I get written up and fired. And yes, I am aware of how alcoholic that sounds.
That is the best grammar in a dirty text ever. Excellent use of the semi-colon. And yes; I am hard.
I just fucked her in her boyfriends bathroom... he was in the room sleeping.
He picked me up in the very car he devirginized me in, his moms toyota.
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
Do plants get herpes?
who is this
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