fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Sorry I need more motivation then McDonalds and mojitos.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
All I know is I woke up in the back seat of my car, with the engine on, and my gps navigated to florida.
Randomize
