I sk at the spereo and my dad gave me and all access pass
what???
AN ALL ACCESS PASSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS
Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
Her desktop wallpaper is a collage of penises she fucked.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Hes pre-made beer lollipops so he "can suck before the sex" QUOTE!
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
Cleaned the whole house at 7:30 and after cleaning the bathroom I think I had cocaine on my sweatpants
Naked. Naked is my favorite color.
I'm only gonna ask u this once. Y is there a picture of u only in superman underwear rubbin ur nipple on facebook????
Uh I can actually explain that one..
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