..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
He wants me to hook up with his fiance while he watches. Text you later with how it goes.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
I emptied a Vyvance capsule into my coffee pot last night and set the auto start. Pretty sure I've been drinking meth all morning
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Dude, no, you tried to sleep on the stove. I mean. You were pissed when I stopped you... but I couldn't have you catching on fire in my house.
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
Randomize
