i don't have parental supervision. i'm gonna start accepting candy from strangers now.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
Slept on the counter again. Mom covered me in an apron.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
Randomize
