Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
I have no idea. I think this is what happens when people take drugs in the middle of the day
I'M SO LONELY THAT I TEXTED THE FRESHMAN
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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