Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I feel the need to send all my exes pictures of penises larger than theirs. Because they all must suffer.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
Randomize
