If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
