went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Toga everclear = hospital visit... Im sure the paramedics hate me right now
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I've made a list of places I want to have sex this summer. #1: Reptile House at the zoo.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
He was super stoned and then he compared doing meth to having anal sex and told me to "ride that cowboy." The cowboy being my ex.
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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