I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
no, he's only a walking dick if he mans up. right about now he's just a walking transgender.
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
im like basted in vodka, i went tanning and it was like i was an alcoholic turkey being cooked in a locker of doom
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
I'm excited for you as you venture towards new drug experiences
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
I think my moral compass just broke
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
Randomize
