We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I had sex in the bed of a guy who owns a house last night so I feel like this is a significant step up from car sex in the parking lot of a library
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