3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
She said "Lay the fuck down and ill show you how its done. Ill get us both off." I did. And she did. Best words ever said before sex.
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I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
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I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
But like it was sooo bad! At one point he tried to flip me over and he fell off the bed
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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