honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
you were standing in two feet of water, screaming at people walking by to "call river rescue".
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
