guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I could get a dump truck for 1000. Think of the possibilities.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I never thought that at some point in my life I would end up in the back of a cop car dressed as Pumba #HakunaMatata
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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