the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Next weekend I am getting a library card and staying my whore ass home.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Sorry you saw my balls. Pregame includes a lot of shaving.
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