Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
She said our goal is to fuck in every bathroom at the reception which is at a country club. I will have the best wedding date ever! Were 4 for 4 in public.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
You knew you'd end up at his house the minute you emptied the bowl of condoms into your purse.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Yo I'm lookin at the cows. They're just fucking docile things
Looks like the opera singer hook up is paying off. Ran into the MILF from 407 and she said “your lady friend sounded like a very lucky girl.”
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