You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
no, i'm not a lesbian.. i just really want to fuck you while drinking, thats normal in a friendship.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think it's a friendship ring and the other part is on his cats collar
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I woke up with her finger in my vag. Let's just say that I'm one horny inquisitive drunk.
Randomize
