Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
yeah so i didn't even realize i was on meth until the next morning
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
So worth it. Come over for bacon egg cheese vusquit later. 12. I slept with Jimmy? On my period? And told him he had mother issues? No tequila. Tequila bad.
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
