I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
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i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
He showed up 3 hours late wearing roller skates and acted like nothing was wrong with that.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
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