If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
Appropriately today was the first time I've ever GTL'd. I can't believe I made fun of this,it's rather relaxing.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
Lusting after Beyonce when you're a lesbian is like having a crush on Jesus. You just don't do it.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
Randomize
