Standing in line for a prescreening of Alice in Wonderland - guy just passed out cold in front of us - first drug overdose of the Alice in Wonderland phenomenon witnessed.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
For a second I thought he was going to give me an intervention
You can't give interventions in a bar!
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Randomize
