my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
I think that "I fucked your little brother" wasn't the best way to introduce yourself.....
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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