i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
i don't want a singing card. it disturbs my hangover. give me a pack of cigs taped to a bottle of wine and fuck me without a condom. happy vday baby.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
sarah just described his penis as "like bong-girth." I'm gunna go for it.
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Are you in a position where you can bring me some nachos?
I wish period tracker had a "on this day" also so i can see who i was with this day last year.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize