tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
I need to stop drinking. Side note- we have a party bus tonight. So the drinking will have to end after that
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
