How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Pretty sure even her dog was surprised when I got that blow job.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
Call me as soon as you're able to dial a phone. I just took a shit behind a building in broad daylight and need to get the fuck outta here soon.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
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