No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
