Your excuse of not making us Mac and cheese was that you couldn't find 6 cups of water...
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I use my feet as sexual weapons
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