There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
mom and dad googled us on the weekend. i love the internet less than i did on friday.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
ive cried into many a lonely burritos..
View of Vancouver Bay is obscured though the greasy hand prints from fucking against the window. Tip maid well.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
