She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Getting too drunk for the hot dog vendor to serve me is possibly a sign of an alcohol problem. I threw up in the sewer grates next to his stand
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
The Angel on my shoulder is now resorting to merely reminding me that, "You will regret this later." I'm not sure if he's learning how I think or just giving up. Either way, should make life a bit more interesting.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry i ignored you for so long. I think my vibrator is broken.
Hahaha. I'm so high, this is gonna be so intense. Even the DVD menu scared the shit out of me.
If there's someone that knows accidental pantlessness, it's Mike.
Randomize
