Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
last karaoke night = doing dmx songs with a guy who threatened to stab me. so yeah I'm coming out.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
Dude my roommate just peed out the window
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