Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Neighbor is sitting on his porch looking like he made some terrible life decisions and I just want to be like "I drank half of a handle of peach vodka in a shed last night. I understand" but I think they're swingers so his night probs sucked more.
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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