I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
you know that hot chick that stutters? talk about an awkward orgasm
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Woke up naked wearing mismatched earrings. Didn't even make it to the bar.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
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