Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
Based on your 5AM twitter activity I gather you found MORE FREE COKE??
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
My ass is underappreciated
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
