I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
id be glad to
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
Randomize
