You got in a fight last night?
Yeah! Some dude in the bathroom...he was standing there and I notice he's got the same shirt as me on so I'm like...dude you should have called me, we look like idiots...he didn't say anything...so i got pissed and hit him...completely decimated and my hand was all bloody and covered with glass afterward...weird dude, never saw him again that night or since.
Um...Did this guy happen to look almost exactly like you?
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
A toast to whoever set this year's daylight savings fallback to the day after halloween, granting us another hour to detox before we pretend to be functional adults. Clearly, a partier with forethought and clear priorities. Cheers!
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
I sent my brother over to my ex's to get the rest of my stuff. He comes back SEVEN HOURS LATER, high as fuck without my shit! No loyalty.
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