Seriously though, we're going to drink and watch Survivor first one to puke gets voted off the island
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
Made fish tank punch. It's like trash can punch but in a fish tank. Also, my dad saw a picture I uploaded on Facebook and called me a pussy for only making 10 gallons.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
Glow Paint looked great for the Black Light Party last night, Tonight having a glow in the dark Pizza on my arm, not so much.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
A relationship is waiting for him to fall asleep so you can cum (finally!) while watching porn
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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