you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
does anyone know where bryan is?
last i saw he was naked, and crying in the bathroom because there was no more booze.
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
