So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
Instead of just putting in it he asked "will you do the honors?" it was the cutest thing I had ever heard before sex.
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
So this is what you do on your hungover days off put your balls into an egg carton?
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
So um... You probably shouldn't post that picture of me and your crotch just because that's a new level of raunchiness that I'm not willing to accept yet
Randomize
