I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
So what do normal people wear to parties? Normal meaning not you.
You wear an inflatable farm animal to TWO THEMED PARTIES and I never get to hear the end of it...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
Randomize