I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
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