Just found a copy of intimate toy times in my mom's trash can...
he fingered me, smelled his fingers, then asked me what i ate today..
i came on her dog
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
I mean...he was throwing up for almost 3 consecutive hours. I don't think there's a chance in hell that would have tasted even close to tolerable.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
That's so awful of me. Instead of comforting her I masturbated in front of my ex-boyfriend.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
