I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn. I did not just catch my dad watching porn.
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
I should be rewarded with oreos for not turning into a raging cunt.
who has a one night stand on Christmas ? But he's pretty attractive so thumbs up
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Did we kick in my basement door last night?
Yes. I think you actually bought tennis shoes specifically for that application.
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