At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
we seriously had to hang a plastic bag on his ears so he could throw up right into it.
she was eating donuts out of the garbage. enough said.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
I found your doppelganger. same hair, eyes, personality, catch phrases, and penis. it was mind-boggeling.
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
Randomize
