Some man just said he would jack off to my hair color.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
And drunk me decided to play keep away with sober me's dignity
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
How drunk do you guys plan on getting?
We wrote our addresses on our arms for the cab driver, what do you think?
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Apparently this establishment won't let you rent a sailboat if you have been drinking rum all morning
Like, bro, how do you think I got the idea to go sailing
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
I think my moral compass just broke
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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