did you get my message about your dog?
no... is he ok?
no, i didn't see him when i was being chased out of your house. check your drive way :( sry
M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
Just made a bong out of a pineapple. So yes.. And champagne is about to be popped
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's okay. I think we're back on. I just went on a dog walk with him n blew him on a sidewalk
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
