My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
I drew a venn diagram at the top of my final comparing stuff i know and stuff on the test.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
the black eye was caused by a 12 year old girl in a vampire costume who punched you in the face after you aggresively screamed "TEAM JACOB!" in her face & howled at the moon...
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
He gave me such a powerful orgasm I blurted out I love you. This is why just rebouding out of a serouis relationship is awkward.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
The box said 94% effective prevention of pregnancy if used correctly but God knows I’m not gonna use it right so let’s adjust that to like a 70%
Randomize
