just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
Level of drunkenness: just now when I sat down on the toilet, I had to double check to make sure I wasn't sitting on somebody's lap.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
Next year for Halloween you can be the sword swallower, with a penis shaped sword.
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
Nothing like waking up and having two guys who aren't your boyfriend talk to you about their hard dicks before 9 am.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
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