Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
It's like I'm snorkeling in an ocean of tequila.
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I wanna just rip ass and see his reaction but i bet itd be better to shatter that illusion when hes drunk
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
Far be it from me to tell you where you store your dildos but from an interior decorating standpoint not fucking there
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
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