How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
Your kinda stuck between a rock and his hard dick on this one..
He was taking the condom off and he turns to me and says, "You know how snakes can shed their skin?"
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
So yeah, don't be alarmed when you come home after work to find me eating cookie dough out of a margarita glass with a knife and watching The Little Mermaid. It's been one of those days.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Can you repeat that, but with context?
I couldn't figure out what was more important, finishing the shot or putting out the fire on my leg.
I don't know how much expertise I could offer. My best advice is, "don't drown, for god's sake don't drown"
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