five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
I just found her phone in the quesadilla maker...
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
