I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
Well sundance is in town and Im going to use my one and only shot to bang Taylor swift... Does it count as a random if shes famous?
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
If you're knocked up, we're telling everyone it's mine and that the power of our love overcame the inherent reproductive limitations of two vhagines.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
My heart says buy the granny panties, but my vagina says don't throw in the towel yet.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
Randomize
