I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I BIT YOU IN THE DINING ROOM. I bit you and you crunched
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
What you have to understand is that our lives aren't a disappointment so much as they crashed and burned with lethal doses of radiation and dog shit.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
