the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
i'm pretty sure i'm on the same train we took last friday..
what?how do you know?
it appears they have not cleaned up your vomit yet.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
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