Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I had to put a towel over my laptop because the little power light was too bright. New hangover low.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not sure what time I'll be home. I'm currently topless and the damn stripper won't give me my clothes back
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
well i blew him then my wife blew him, so im guessing we'll be seeing him around, yeah
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
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