i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
Um. That's my cat Laura. You put my cat in your mouth, and then you put my cat in your purse.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
Yeahhh, everybody is so helpful when a pretty girl is crying hysterically and has only one shoe and a six pack.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
Just wanted to say a big ole FUCK YOU for coming out to mom the day before I have to drive with her for 6 hours. Ass hat.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
Plus my fingers were hella swollen from eating all these cured meats so it was like I was given it to her with Hulk Hands on
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
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