I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
I peed while puking? Even better
Yes you most deff did. Ultimate multi tasker you are
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
Your a horrible friend, i only tried to do the right thing by moving you off the floor.. that was not an invitation to puke all over my bed and attempt to use my dog to mop it up.
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Last night a drunk chick tried to lick me. If you are trying to lick the zombies, you are too drunk for the haunted house.
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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