If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
antibiotics and champagne: breakfast of champions
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
