mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
I'm pretty sure there's seven mailboxes in the bathtub...
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
My vibrator looks like a lipstick tube. So does my mace. I just realized the potential problems of keeping them both in the same bag.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
in a meeting in my bathtub while predrinkin for tonight. technology.
THERE IS A DOG IN THE CLUB. I repeat a dog in the club. I might have laid down and petted it..I have no shame.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
