Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
I still havent gotten an apartment yet, so I crash random college parties...get so drunk and then sleep on their couch
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
But yeah, that is officially the new "I just came" picture
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
I'M GOING TO FUCK AN ENTIRE ORCHESTRA AND NOTHING CAN STOP ME
The band club does not count as an orchestra
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
