I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
The couple that wants to take me home just paid the bartender $100 to pour tequila down my throat. I think I'm in some type of twilight zone where stds run rampant and the alcohol floweth
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
He put chocks of wood in front of his doors to stop me from leaving. I'm not nearly drunk enough for that to be appropriate behaviour.
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
