how was the sex?
he smelled like pickles and burnt hair.
well, there's that.
there's a booger on my laptop, i suspect it's yours
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Either way you look at it, I'm a slut. But either way I look at it, I'm having a fucking blast.
I just woke up to pictures of every angle of his dick I'll ever need to see.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
I tried to steal a Mike's Hard sign last night but it didn't work out
why what happened?
Well it was going fine.. until the bouncer noticed the three foot steel lemon sticking out of my jacket.
The nice lady at the neighborhood liquor store informs me that we have a new woman-run neighborhood sex shop. Jesus loves me and wants me to have a happy Valentine's day.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
Randomize
