i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
my drug dealer is also my eyebrow lady. Two birds, one stone.
So many people have told me I have great tits tonight, I'm unstoppable
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
