Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
So this snow storm is NOT helpin my masturbation problem
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
Should I be alarmed that you're a regular enough at a bar to show up in sweatpants?
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
Randomize
