Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
This is actually a pretty big deal for him. I mean, he contacted a stranger out of concern for someone else instead of for sex.
That does show growth.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
He said he couldn't fuck me cause I kinda looked like my brother
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
