Why do I always have sex on the first date when I know it demotes me to booty call girl?
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Turns out the average person our age has never run from the cops. Life: we're doing it right.
Boise Idaho, where you have a one night stand with someone from your town 3 states away and run into them the day you return...
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
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