but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He told me that his favorite part about me is hearing my voice while we fuck. I think that was the nicest thing he has EVER said to me.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hypothetically speaking - is it bad if you get cut off at an airport bar at 11:30am?
Dipping my sugar cookies in a glass of fireball and creme soda. This is holiday spirit
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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