I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
So I hung out with an australian but woke up with a British man in my bed does that make me culturalized
Randomize
