She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yuck. My throat feels like someone chucked a couple of Maltov cocktails down it and finished it off with a super soaker filled with Jameson.
Woke up, moved an empty handle of fireball to spit blood, then put the morning cigarette out in it.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
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