Now hope fervently that she'll do it quick and cheap, just the way i like it
My professor really needs to stop abbreviating. I'll never remember what "Fun. Anal. Trade-offs?" means when i study.
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Well if I fail my finals for being drunk on Cinco De Mayo there is always next year to graduate.
You said that last year...
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Just pee around me
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
she has no right to get mad at us for drinking during the wedding. she's the one that chose the bridesmaid dresses with pockets.
Randomize
