Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
UPDATE: In a passionate fit of self love, I brought myself to orgasm under the moon on my 7th floor balcony, ejaculating between the rungs towards the ground.
Unfortunately, I did not realize that most of it would end up on the balcony below mine.
At least you don't cum in color.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
