sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
Well I put her head right through the headboard. Thank god the room was under her name.
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Do you sleep with the same women I've already slept with on purpose?
Well I've made a drinking game out of the Wiggles but I think I've got this babysitting thing down
Ordered a pizza stoned. The guy handed me my pizza and I tried to pay him by handing him back the pizza.
I think my moral compass just broke
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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