tweet Hawks Win!! tweet
That's how twitter works, right?
It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Whatever. I'll just fuck him now and deal with the clingyness later.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
You kept saying we got to find the end of the rainbow, which turned out to be a box of lucky charms and Guinness in the bag of cereal
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Randomize
