I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
I guess the lesson here is that I shouldn't send nudes to elected officials.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I think that's the first time I had "ass rimming" scroll across my phone at work
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
So...a chick sucked my crank...now her dog is licking my feet. I feel like a pharoh on vacation.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
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