I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
soo apparently i was out of money so i stayed in the bathroom for an hour-ish passing out paper towels for money..needless to say i got kicked out
gin and tonic in a mug. no limes so im using canned madarin oragnes. classy or trashy?
homeless.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
Finding a keg in our kitchen would be like god personally high fiving each of us.
Nothing like a false "my-dad-found-my-weed" alarm on Christmas day.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
I told you being able to play expert on guitar hero would get us laid one day
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
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