wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
You covered in salsa con queso would take care of all of my cravings right now
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
But like, I don't remember getting hit with the door... I just come out from peeing and there was blood running down my face.
Like bruh, I’m a free range girlfriend
Randomize
