There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
Dancing like a fucking crazy person to jai ho with a snow ball in her hand. Snow days make her go nuts.
We had one of those mutual "I know your on a dating website, I won't tell if you won't" glances.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Come, dress lightly, bring tequila...
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
So it took me 20 minutes to figure out that this is the wrong blind date. I'm going to go with it, he's cute and at least it's free beer.
It was over as soon as he asked if he could name my vagina pancake.
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
Randomize
