Are you okay?
Don't worry. Self-respect preserved. My speech was Grey's quality... I made him cry.
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
Let's make a pact to never get in a cab at 3am together unless it's to go home or for pizza.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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