I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
Just had to explain to the nurse WHERE I have poison ivy. Great Day
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
