I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
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i will be blacked out in the shower. come get me. 20 mins.
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
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