i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
im calling her cock vulture from now on
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I like to think I'd be good at dodging genitalia.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
I'd cum for enchiladas.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
went out to hit golf balls, ended up doing splits at the bar. you're a bad influence.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
Randomize
