North Korea, Best Korea!
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
oh man. maybe i should puke on his dick? just to test how much he loves me?
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
i just remembered that i did the "single ladies" dance ON THE BAR...fuck you slippery nipples i curse the day i discovered you
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
Replacing my paralegal is easy. Replacing my favorite office fuck toy is a totally different story. Damn him for wanting to better himself instead of being my manwhore
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