she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
How many 'remember name' entries is it inappropriate to have in one's cell phone?
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
Randomize